On The Road Again

Thoughts on God, Religion, and Community

2010-05-10T21:16:00.000-07:00

So a friend asked me recently for an update on where I am with God these days. As long as I'm answering the question, I thought I'd get some blog mileage out of it.

In 2006, I walked away from Christianity as I understood it. After more than 10 years in the evangelical community, something inside me broke, and I just couldn't do it anymore. The catalyst for this process was the loss of my job at Willow Creek Community Church, but it was just the first of many steps towards where I am now. That process itself is well-documented elsewhere, so I won't repeat too much of it here. But I'm happy to share with anybody who doesn't know the story. One book that helped me get through this process was "The End of Faith" by Sam Harris.

I will say that the most difficult part of the process was not the loss of my belief system, but rather the loss of community once I decided to go public with my decision. You see, my life was church. I worked for the church. I attended the services there. I volunteered for the church when I wasn't working. I ate at the church. And once (I think only once) I even slept at the church.

Everything in the evangelical community is built around the premise that Jesus is the only way to God. You can mess up in a lot of areas and still be okay with the powers that be. But you cannot walk away from this premise. It is the "unforgiveable sin" - perhaps not biblically, but at the very least socially. Not accepting this viewpoint is tolerated among those who have just started to attend while they are being assimilated into the church, but if you are in a leadership position, not so much.

I can't fault the institution for this unwritten rule, any more than I can fault Chicago for being cold in winter. I had questioned the very foundation that the church, all churches, are built upon. If indeed there was some other way to be "right with God", then Christ died for no reason.

It's not that I was excommunicated or anything like that. There was just less to talk about with people there. I no longer prayed the same prayers. Or read the same books. Or sang the same songs. Even in a 7000 seat auditorium, I just felt alone. So eventually I stopped going.

So what do I believe now? Well, I believe in God. Not the God of the Bible, or the Torah, or the Koran. I don't even know if that's the right word to use to address him/her/it. But I believe that there has to be an uncaused cause. Something that existed before the universe and time. I just don't believe anymore in trying to define who he is, or in trying to figure out what he wants from us. These are things we cannot know, and anybody who claims otherwise is trying to disguise speculation as fact.

I believe that faith in something greater, even when misguided, can help people to become better versions of themselves. Not because of any supernatural assistance, but because of the way beliefs interact with the human mind.

I believe that religion, however, is a conversation stopper when it comes to many of the important moral and ethical dilemmas of our time, particularly when it comes to peace in the Middle East. Religious fundamentalists on both sides interpret the texts literally, and religious moderates (i.e. normal churchgoers) give them cover to do so. Perhaps no film has come closer to capturing this unending cycle than Ridley Scott's "Kingdom of Heaven".

I still believe in God. I believe in prayer. I believe in finding centeredness. I believe in right and wrong. I believe in compassion. I believe that there are some universal truths, even if I do not fully understand what they are.

But as Sam Harris said, I see no reason for us to expect to survive our religious differences indefinitely. As a 21st century global society, I believe that we can have religion or we can have peace. But we cannot have both. Between the two I am compelled to choose peace. It is something that I fight for daily in small ways. I refuse to stand idly by and wait for the world to end, especially when there are groups and individuals who are actively hoping, praying, and working towards that goal.

When all is said and done, I think God will understand that.

I try not to get into religious debates, because it's difficult to sell "I don't know" to someone who is certain that they do know. I still have friends of all faiths, and many of them are doing great things in their respective corners of the world. Some do these things because they feel God wants them to. Others do them simply because they choose to. Whatever their motivations, though, it's nice to not feel alone and once again have a sense of community.

Why Are You Helping Iraqis?

2009-07-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

Written for The List Project

I'm being asked this question with increasing frequency these days. Sometimes it's an Iraqi who asks me. More often than not, however, it's an American who asks me this question. It's such a simple question, but it's often a loaded one.

Anti-immigration sentiment here in Texas is at an all-time high. A recent poll of Houston by Rice University showed that the overall angst directed at immigration has risen by 50% between 2004 and 2008, mostly due to the economy. Then there's anti-Arab sentiment which has increased significantly nationwide since 9/11.

I sometimes get the sense that the person asking the question wants me to say that I'm helping Iraqis resettle because I was against the war. Maybe if I say that, they can quickly categorize me, ignore the rest of whatever I might have to say, and get on with their lives.

So it often surprises them when I talk about the brave Iraqis who served alongside our troops as translators, or as civilian employees of the Coalition Provisional Authority. It surprises them even more when I talk about the soldiers and veterans who are active members of The List Project.

Many of the Iraqis who worked with the U.S. government have paid a terrible price for their belief that the United States could offer their country something better. One of my Iraqi friends in the Dallas area received a note with a warning and a single bullet at his home shortly before coming to the United States last year. Another one of my Iraqi friends in Houston has a brother in Iraq whose 12 year old son was recently killed for no other reason than the fact that his uncle was a "collaborator" who worked with U.S. forces. Unfortunately, their stories are not unique, nor are they the most tragic to come out of Iraq.

This is an issue that should transcend politics. This isn't about being for or against the war. It's about helping those whose work for the United States has forced them to leave their homes. These Iraqis aren't coming here for American jobs (which they're having a hard time getting). They're not coming for refugee benefits. They're not coming for better schools. They're coming to survive.

After all they've sacrificed for us, what could be more American than helping them?

Click here for a recent Newsweek article on five Iraqis whose decision to work with U.S.-affiliated organizations in Baghdad ultimately drove them from their homes and landed them in America.

The Cost of Change

2009-06-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

"I know this is not the life you would have chosen, but it is the life that chose you.
And you cannot deny the possibility, that some other force is guiding you."
-The Dead Zone

I often wonder how my life would be different if just one or two events had gone another direction. There are so many things I would change if I could go back and do life over. Maybe that's why I've always been so fascinated by books and movies that involve time travel, or people waking up as their younger selves. So often, I just want to go back and "fix" everything.

But when I reflect more on everything that has led up to this point, I don't think I would give up who I am today in exchange for a more pleasant past. This is a recent development, because I know a year or two ago, I would have made that trade. I don't fully understand what has changed. While I can't say that the wounds have healed, perhaps the pain has become more manageable since then. I'm sure that's part of it. I think what has had an even more significant impact, though, is the realization that those experiences were needed in order to open my eyes to the world around me.

I'm not saying that "God has a plan" or "everything happens for a reason". I've seen too much in my life and others' to believe that those type of statements are useful or even necessarily true.

What I'm trying to say is that my broken engagement and loss of faith, while not experiences that I would have chosen, have helped me to find my true self. I finally believe it was worth everything that has happened to get to where I am right now. And that's a major milestone for me.

Advocacy in Austin

2009-06-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

Written for The List Project Blog

June 20th, was World Refugee Day. Many cities around the country held special events in order to bring increased awareness to the plight of refugees around the world. A World Refugee Day celebration was held in Austin, Texas that was organized by the local resettlement agencies and other organizations in Austin that work with refugees.

The List Project was fortunate enough to secure a table at this event, so I came with a stack of List Project fliers, the recently published IRC report, a handful of business cards, and my laptop. I was joined by Austin resident Esther Diaz, who is a trainer for translators and interpreters that provide services to resettlement agencies. She is also a new volunteer for the List Project.

While I’ve participated in several meetings with both Iraqis and Americans who were already aware of the List Project, this was the first forum where I’ve really gotten the chance to explain the organization to Americans who had never heard of The List Project before.

I also met some Iraqis who have recently resettled in the Austin area. In contrast with the Americans I met, many of the Iraqis had actually heard of the List Project, and were very excited to meet us. Like most resettled Iraqis around the country, they are struggling to make ends meet in the current economy.

With all of the challenges our Iraqi friends are facing, it's easy to get discouraged. The needs of the community are so great, and we're trying to meet them with limited resources. After this event, however, I feel a renewed hope that many Americans can and will help out. They just need to know what's happening. They need to be reminded that life in Iraq is not "back to normal". They need someone to give a voice to the challenges that Iraqis are facing here in the United States.

Will you be that voice?

*Jeff Brown is head of the Dallas/Fort Worth Chapter and the Outreach and Web Development Intern for the List Project

Welcome!

2009-06-19T21:45:00.000-07:00

So I'm starting a new blog! It's been quite some time since I had any sort of personal journal. I used to blog regularly, but lately all of my personal thoughts have been ending up on either Facebook or Twitter. On most days, my short updates those two sites is enough to cover everything relevant going on in my life. I can usually find a way to cram whatever I'm doing at the moment into 140 characters or less. But I can't help but feel that I've somehow lost something along the way. It's just not enough space to really get into how I'm feeling or how a particular event has impacted me.

I'm still trying to figure out how often I'm going to be able to post something up here, but I'll post when I can, and hope that those of you along for the ride get something out of it. Thanks for following!

World Refugee Day is Saturday

2009-06-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Written for The List Project Blog

This coming Saturday, June 20th, is World Refugee Day.

Organizations in many cities will be hosting events for World Refugee Day, and these events could be a great opportunity to talk to people about The List Project. I will personally be attending an event in Austin with one of our new volunteers and hopefully some TLP Iraqis from both Austin and San Antonio.

While there is no centralized location for all of the World Refugee Day events in the United States, a good place to start asking questions would be with your local resettlement agency. Many of the resettlement agencies either coordinate or sponsor some type of annual event. The IRC currently had events scheduled in Baltimore, Boise, Charlottesville, Phoenix, San Diego, San Jose, Washington DC and Tucson.

For a directory of resettlement agencies, please click here. Also, don't forget that you can go to Netroots and download List Project handouts under the "Toolkit" tab. I always like to carry a few in my vehicle, because I never know when I might get an opportunity to share the TLP story with somebody!